Thoughts and Things

I haven't been very motivated lately. I've actually been feeling quite depressed. The good thing about having a Masters degree in psychology is that I have background knowledge in order to speak truth to power the feelings that I feel.

The misconception is that because I do have this knowledge, I know how to avoid feeling this. The truth is...

I can't.

Photo by Matthew Henry from Burst

We live in an up and down world where even the most optimistic of us struggle from time to time to see the good in it all. And I'm not one of the most optimistic people in this world to begin with.

I'm an introvert. I always have been. Which means that, at least for me, I struggle in certain social areas where extroverts have no worries. I'm a thinker and I need time to process things, which in this social media era can be extremely overwhelming.

I had a gut check the other day when I realized that in order to reach a goal I had I would have to do things that are difficult for me because they are outside of my comfort zone. It made me extremely sad because I didn't believe I could ever overcome that.

I'm a planner and when I set my mind to something I'm laser focused on getting there, for better or worse, in my own way. It's almost to the point of compulsion. I'm a little OCD at times.

But I also know when I've hit a limitation. And that limitation hit me like a ton of bricks 2 weeks ago. And it made me extremely sad.

My limitation? Being vulnerable.

Can you relate?

I'm an accountant because it doesn't require me to interact with too many people. My friend circle is extremely small because I struggle to go deep with people. The fear of rejection is tough to shake.

But I'm a dreamer. And when I dream, I dream BIG. Vivid dreams. And though there are days where I want to give up. I can't. Every fiber of who I am won't let me.

Read: #Wednesday Wisdom - Get Up, Dress Up

Today, I snapped out of my funk. Our dreams don't always come to us the way we imagine they will. Today I learned that when Joseph in the Bible had his very first dream he never expected that the journey to it would involved the bottom of a well, slavery and prison before he reached his glory.

On the way to my dream I never expected to be evicted, in debt married with two kids (well I did expect the married with kids part lol) unable to buy a house and struggling. When I say I'm a fashionista on a budget I mean it.

The shame of it all kept me isolated and looking at the lives of others and wondering what I was doing wrong and why I couldn't get it together like they did.

Read: #Wednesday Wisdom - Don't Let Your Challenges Destroy You

I keep forgetting that my story isn't over and I'm not those other people. I have to remember that part of my dream has come true, and that means the rest of it can too.

I have grown so much over the last 4 years that I have been blogging. And I keep doing it because I love it and because I just realized, it's part of my dream.

I never planned to be a blogger or an entrepreneur. I had always planned to just go to school, get a job and have a family. And that's what I did but I always felt there was more. I wanted more. I needed more and I found that blogging gave me that more. A voice.

But I'm still me and I'm still an introvert. My Instagram doesn't look like all the other bloggers And my follower count is nowhere near 10,000 and my email list is no where near as large as I want it to be. But you know what, all of that's OK because it's my path to my dream and it is not like everyone else's. And guess what, it's not supposed to be because it's my dream and my path and I can be me and get there.

The key is to keep going. To never give up. I'm glad that I have this compulsion to keep going no matter what. It has keep me moving even on days I wanted to throw in the towel.

So I said all that to say...

Keep pushing. 

The path to your dream may not look the way you imagined it would but those who are successful are so because of their dogged perseverance no matter what.

I haven't completely arrived but I won't stop until I do and neither should you.

What tips do you have to stay motivated in this journey called life?

Happy Shopping!

Your Friend,
The Fabulous Shoe Maven

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